Anomalous Contemplations

Bible study and CNN my friend.

2005-04-27T14:27:00.000-04:00

I'm doing some work on my computer and listening to CNN in the back ground, Bush is speaking about his new energy plan. The plan sounds excellent, for years I've been saying we should use our own energy sources more then foreign energy, and this plan is going to do just that. He is also talking about faster advancements in technology, yes God yes, more tech stuff, hehe.

What I was really going to post about though is Tuesday night Bible studies, specifically my thoughts and emotions on it. Three years ago I would have never started Bible study let alone lead it, I don't believe so much from fear but from lack of desire and passion. Now I have started a Bible study but I seem to be lacking something. Probably a medium of hermeneutics, a way to explain my concepts in laymen's form. I also have difficulty teaching more in-depth concepts because of how much faster my thoughts move then my speech, so I end up stuttering and then skipping over half of my teaching because my brain already past it up and I've gotten off focus because I have to translate my thoughts into laymen's terms. So I something like "Proper hermeneutics begins with solid exegesis, the only proper control for hermeneutics is to be found in the original intent of the biblical text." I then have to convert it to..."Performing proper practical Bible teachings begins with having a solid grounding in the historical background of the book in which you are studying, the only proper control for those teachings is to know the original meaning of the text." But even that is not a true translation, my brain doesn't like work like this, it wants to think, to discover, to explore. it doesn't want to translate and teach, I guess you can say it's pretty selfish only absorbing information and not also giving out.

All and all though, God is in control of it and He is pleased with me not because of my performance but because I am a son. I know this in both my heart and mind, I just wish I could speak so that people would understand better. But at the same time I don't want to, I like the way I think. I just have to focus more on the way most people think, and not think so much on finding excellent Biblical concepts, but bring out foundational doctrine through practical teachings so that people can practically apply them. But we can go so much deeper, God help us in our stupidity, you created us, you know how slow we are, especially me who always overlooks the practical to delve into a complex theoretical concept that has no relevance other then enjoying a deep thought.

The randomness of my head...

2005-04-18T14:54:00.000-04:00

I need to blog but about what? Hmmm… lets just start typing my thoughts.

I was just thinking about a quote from Robert Frost, it goes like "to be social is to be forgiving". And I thought I am very forgiving, or it's not that I'm more forgiving then others, I just take less offense to things because I am so detached by what others consider reality. But I'm not the most sociable of people, I love people in my heart, but they get on my brains nerves. It seems as though everyone holds so many sentiments, not that that is a bad thing, it's just that people hold so many. It bothers me that a friendship can alter someone’s view of situations and make them biased, it bothers me that people will make so many decisions because they are attached to an inanimate object. If something is not living what is there to be attached to? Do you make it alive by associating a memory to it? Isn't that like trying to be God? Maybe it’s because they love the world, I have moments of joy here but I do not love this place. People take everything here so seriously, but in the end the only thing matters is if you are saved or if you are not. So why do we add so many more complications to this insignificant and truncated life. Maybe we would have accomplished more when we lived to be 900 years old, maybe our brains went through a evolution some where in the course of those years back when we lived that long. Maybe they weren’t so limited in thinking by things like time, physics, and the flesh. This life is not an instant in eternity because eternity is never ending so time doesn’t exist, this life is merely a part of eternity a part that’s size is small yet doesn’t have a size because there are no measurements in infinity…

Ok I’m tired of typing now, and if I don’t stop this chain of thoughts they’ll take up the rest of my day.

Truth, Lies, and People...

2005-04-16T17:34:00.000-04:00

I’ve always thought of the truth as complete balance of Good and Evil, when it comes to people. If I only knew good things about someone, I didn’t believe I knew the whole truth and if I knew only bad things about someone, it was the same. But I was just thinking that if everything good has been created by God and everything bad has been corrupted by satin, because he hasn’t made a thing, he just corrupts things, that would mean only good things about a person are really truth. Kind of like UGB(s)(Un Godly Beliefs) and lies believed about ones self and others, no one is inherently evil so then the evil is just a lie believed. It’s so hard for me to think this way though, my mind wants to work in justice mode, hence my name means judgment, justice, or judge, bringing liberation to the oppressed and judgment to the wicked. But the wicked are only stuck in lies and oppressed themselves, so by laying a finger on someone who is unjust I would only hurting a inherently good person who is believing lies and currently in a bad state. This sounds to much like Christian Science, I’ll have to Dwell on it more.

Yet another layout

2005-04-13T21:08:00.000-04:00

Yes, I think this is my final layout, although I can't stand that #$$# Blogger toolbar... I don't know how to get it off. This layout seems to be much easier to read, the last one with Haku was just to hard to read the post and see pics. comment if you like this one.

Hi5 SoM

2005-04-13T15:55:00.000-04:00

I joined this Hi5 network thing the other day, it said 13 people from my school were on so I decided to join also. I don't know what it is for or how to use it that easily yet but I got my first "testimonial" today, I was thinking that testimonial button was for me to write my testimony, hehe...

Elinor says: nice pic justin...well, well...let me write your first testimonial. justin will kill you at slight touch, provoke and do shockvalue to analyze you, will kill you in debates, and he's an awsome fun friend, with a passion for truth. there, not bad, eh? oh, and he loves canada, and the cold!

Thanx Elinor(my scandalous Scandinavian friend), you rock and I love you!!!

Your going into my mind...

2005-04-10T00:08:00.000-04:00

(This is an excerpt from my School of the Heart Journal from like 2 years ago, I scribbled down my thoughts exactly the way I thought them.)
March 20th 2003
I was just taking a shower and the scripture about how God has created each of us unique in His own image and it brought up a association with my childhood thought that we were only unique in physical features. I was only about ten years old at the time so I was still quite naïve and my basis for that theory was created out of Marine Corps manuals that I had been reading. I saw how an army of individuals could be turned into a army of one, thinking, acting, and responding the same, with the proper training. I associated the training or boot camp of the army kind of like the sum of our life’s experience. There for if someone lived the exact same life as me, had every experience I had in the same way, they would be identical to my persona. But as I started to believe what others said about each being completely unique, although they did not have a factual basis for that belief.

So now I am faced again with this question of who we are. Are we simply made up of our likes and dislikes, our thoughts and the way we process them, our associations, our actions and reactions, our past history(which in it’s self creates all of those things, or lastly the sum of all of those things? But if we are any of those things then none of our personas are unique because we have the possibility, even though it is more remote then the Big Bang theory, of being exactly the same as someone else. Some argue that they can see differences in babies, but babies are receiving experiences even as fetus, so they to are not completely unique. So does God give us 10% of who we are and the rest is made up of life’s experiences? That would mean we are completely unique because the 10% of us would completely reflect our filters on our life’s experiences, there would be infinite possibilities on who we become. But I dismiss this because it is simply inefficient. So then I thought, what if God gave us a 100% unique persona? That would mean that our life’s experiences do not mold and shape who we are, they merely create beliefs within us on who we are and then we begin to live those beliefs, wither they be lies or the truth. There for not our life’s experience but our belief of our life’s experiences determines who we think we are and our likes and dislikes, our actions and reactions, etc… Yes, my mind is content with this answer, and I some how feel my heart knew this all along but I just haven’t contemplated it all the way through since I was ten. Lol, I’m always saying things along this line to others but never this thought directly.

(Writing that out of my journal just spawned a new thought, so I’m just gunna start typing as I think)

I’m thinking of destiny, how everyone says so many people die without reaching their destiny. For some reason I have never believed this, maybe because I have never contemplated the reasoning behind this. I believe that we are predestined, not the Calvinist form of it, to die at a certain time and place, having had the chance to accept Christ. Thos who did were predestined to be in Heaven and those who didn’t were predestined to hell, not because God chose that as their destiny but because they chose not to accept Him and He knew they would choose that before they were even born. So in this we retain our free will, and at the same time we are predestined. Because of this reasoning I can’t stand hearing people moan about how someone died at such a young age and how they could’ve done so much more in life. God knew when they were going to die, He gave them their chance to accept Him, they accomplished what He knew they would, so why are you moaning? My resentment here my lie in the fact that I do not believe death to be the ultimate evil, but a blessing for those who know God and the beginning of the curse of those who don’t. What does crying over it accomplish. Pray that we meet them soon if they are in heaven enjoying themselves or pray that some sort of mercy would be extended to them if they are in hell. Oh God please I beg you to have some pity on those poor beings, I don’t even have the faintest idea of how horrible a place it is, but I know that I wouldn’t even want someone who was to torture me to go there. Oh God, guide my hands so that I may save some from that place. Ok, I’m back, lol anytime I think of hell I get the shivers and want to pray for people… The predestined thing also goes along with my view that we are immortal and invincible while we walk on God’s path for us until we complete are mission for being here and then we die. I know I know, we all have some huge destiny and not all of us make it and some don’t even touch it before they die, I just like to disillusion my self about this because of my lack of drive to accomplish things anymore. I used to be driven by fear of authority and perfectionism, but now I am content to rest in Papa’s arms and not do what is to tough for me right now. But then shame and fear whisper in my ear that I’m not doing enough and I’m not fulfilling my destiny, but I say to them, “ who cares, as long as I’m in Papa’s arms and I’m helping people find Him it’s all good”. One day I know I’ll be able to face my destiny with the drive that I need, but I’m thinking I’ll have a lady along side me helping me out with it.

Yeah yeah I know that was a rather chaotic last bit, but hey that’s the way my mind works. Hehe…

ERGG!!!

2005-04-06T15:30:00.000-04:00

I think I just broke the message board...

New Layout!!!!!!!!

2005-04-05T23:40:00.000-04:00

So what do you guys think about my new layout? Only took me five str8 hours of work... Now My BLOG OWNS URS...^_^

Cheer Leaders DIE DIE DIE

2005-04-05T17:32:00.000-04:00

Texas is trying to "tame down" cheer leading. MSN has the story. "It's just too sexually oriented, you know, the way they're shaking their behinds and going on, breaking it down," it's so funny hearing people speak politically correct about such things.

Personality Test

2005-04-01T02:29:00.000-05:00

I found this email when I was looking for the definition of a word for the hate poster. It's from a personality test on MSN that I took along time ago. Yes yes peacemaker doesn't seem to fit, but after I thought about it just now, if you watch me closely, you can see it in me. Oh and I spelt that word wrong( it's Ecto-Mesomorphs), it had been like two years since I read it, I really should check my spelling more often. But I'm to lazy with my English, I just write on here and forget. If you were offended by my Flawless Women post, you probably didn't read the post looking at my intent in it, you merely looked at the shallow beginning when I was explaining the chick or the unintended pun. I enjoy writing like that so that people get into such an emotional state that they tend to disregard the intentions or conclusion that I intended. I love reading or hearing peoples reactions. I'm just kinda messed up to the point that I monitor my emotions and when I detect unwarrented lvls of activity going on with them I question what is the cause, drive, and result of the emotion, and is it valid. Wow that was a rabbit trail, hehe I do that when I'm tired. Here is the email....
\/

* Outgoing

* Peacemaker

* Balance work and play

* Focus on the possibilities in life

You're loved, and for good reasons
You're smart, insightful, and successful in your career. You have a talent for seeing beyond the details in life. So you have a vision for the future and always are searching to find love and a sense of "balance" in your life. You have a lot of good friends who enjoy your natural charm and funny stories. But you're not someone who "wears his heart on his sleeve" so even those closest to you don't always know how you feel. Still, your masculine and dependable nature will draw people who'll invest the time to get to know you.

Favorite Looks
You liked a group of women we call "Gems," because of their diamond or heart-shaped faces. Their pretty faces and light skin are usually framed by blonde, softly curled hair. With small, delicate features they convey an overall impression of femininity and sweetness that most men find appealing. About 1 in 5 men (21%) share your search for these gems.

Clear the runway! You also seem fascinated by women we call "Super Models." With somewhat square jaws and long, rectangular faces, combined with a serious expression, these women can often be intimidating. It's hard to keep your eyes off their strikingly full lips. Otherwise, they have well proportioned features, and lack the tiny noses and big eyes that make other women look more "cute" than beautiful. In fact, they have a mature and sophisticated look that's never "girlish." Very stylish, with perfect, under-stated makeup and hair, these women seem like they're modeling the latest look no matter where they are or what they're wearing. So, it should be easy for you (and the other 1 in 3 (30%) men who are fascinated by this type) to find her.

Favorite Face Type
Faces known scientifically as "Ecto-Mesomorphs" repeatedly caught your eye. Women express this type in two ways. One version has a rectangular face shape that is long and narrow. The other type's face shape is often compared to a diamond or a heart, because it is wide at the cheeks and then has a sharply angled jaw. Ecto-Mesomorph women have either delicate pointed chins or chins that are slightly squared-off or rounded at the base. This "classic" face type is one of the most idealized for women and can be found on most movie and music idols. These women also tend to have lean, but shapely, builds when they're young. About 57% of other men especially prefer women with this face type.

And a perfect example of Ecto-Mesomorph would be Keira Knightely, the only celeb besides Johnny Depp that I admire.

You can see the attributes in Keira of the Ecto-Mesomorph structure, smaller eyes(to keep away from the "girly look", the balanced nose, sharp angular jaw, and also the figure. No I am not actually as shallow as I sound, my analytical mind just likes analyzing things and the structure of human faces are tantalizingly interesting to me, but all you who know me already know that.

Back from the TO

2005-03-28T02:40:00.000-05:00

Well I'm back from Toronto, I'll post about the trip 2morrow, it is like way to late right now for me to even think str8.

Oh you guys might have noticed the rather crude and negative commenter, would you all please give them a big hug for me. I think they had some absence of love in their life.

Naruto

2005-03-22T22:42:00.000-05:00

I'm gunna miss the 127-128th episode of Naruto, while we're in Toronto^o^ nooooooooooooo.... lol I'll put up a nice big post about the trip when I get back

My name and I

2005-03-18T14:39:00.000-05:00

“Read them 1 Peter 2;13 and Romans 13:1!” – Justice “Why should I, not like the unjust would listen to me” –Myself “Those words aren’t for the unjust but for the just, the only words I have for the unjust are reading them my judgment of their lives after I rip out their throats” – Justice “I have also committed injustices, you would also rip out my throat? Do you have no compassion, no forgiveness?” - Myself “That is why I wear a blinder, so that I will not be inhibited by emotional attachments. Have you not seen my statue, I judge with an unbiased mind.” – Justice “But you must be biased because every society has a different form and view of justice” – Myself “But do societies have the right to judge each other by their own view of what is just?” – Justice “I see, you are complete logic” – Myself “Unlike you who is cursed with compassion” – Justice “You see it has a human emotion, I see it as understanding. By understanding why someone did something have I not shown them compassion?” – Myself “So it’s a completely inert emotion for you? Only to help you understand?” – Justice “No I can carryout helping people feel compassion, but most are in denial and it is their choice alone that will free them.” – Myself “Do I hear an injustice?” –Justice “Yes, I’m a hypocrite, I hurt people, I have committed many injustices, so does that not make me normal?” – Myself “Justice does not waver, not even for you who thinks so highly of us, Justin.” –Justice “Tell that to my Father” –Myself

Bombastic Love...It's a good song...

2005-03-15T21:24:00.000-05:00

I'm sure you all were eagerly anticipating my story about how my fingers were sliced, sorry to disapoint u, I didn't really make it funny. I'll retype it later when I get pictures.

We had a youth lockin on Friday night, omg it wore me out. We did games till like 4 in teh morning. Like a mine field we had to crawl under, a rope we had to repel across the church lake with, boat races in the lake, donut eating, rope climbing, and climbing over walls. It was so fun and I really think it brought the youth group together alot more. I got to know alot more of the teens. Me and Jose were the two team captains, we had about 20 people in each of our teams, only about 40 people showed for teh lockin:( . MY TEAM DOMINATED, GO WEST COAST BEACHED WHALES!!! oh, I did not pick our team name... NATHANIEL!!! WE won all the events exept the donut eating thing because one of our members was a lil to short to reach the donut. Being team captain was fun, I became very focused on keeping my team together, making everyone participate, and making sure everyone was having fun. Although sometimes I did get a little competative with the other team. Our first event was the rope climb, which Jose's team got the right idea with first(help the girls up by boosting them)the guys had all wanted to show off and climb up, but they soon learned and everyone began thinking of everyone elses strenghs and weakness then putting that into a plan. The only thing bad about that one was that I didn't use gloves so I got bad rope burn. So when we got to the wall all the girls were already in the front waiting for the guys to boost them then the guys went over. Then in the mine field the girls really pulled ahead of the guys because they were more slender, they could fit under the ropes easily. We then moved on to the donut eating contest, Kevin had told me to pick out a boy and a girl before he even told us what we were doing next, I had thought it was the repeling over the water so I picked athletic people(who were not so good at eating donuts. We lost that one but everyone celebrated our team mates after it was over. The next was the repeling over the water, which I was mortally wounded on. No not really, my team went first so I had Kevin do it first to show everyone else how it was done. He shot off a little to earlier and I still had a yard line wrapped around my fingers and tied to him, so it ended up cutting me almost to the bone, but I didn't notice until after I had jumped into the water to catch the rope, then I was taken out of service for a little while. while they figured otu that it was gunna work then I went home took a shower and slept till I had to go back and win the boat race thing with my team.

Ropes are gay...

2005-03-13T22:02:00.000-05:00

I can't really type to well right now cauz my fingers on my left hand are just about sliced to the bone froma rope. I'll explain 2morrow.

Gravitation Zwei!

2005-03-09T20:34:00.000-05:00

I've been so freaking busy, 40 hours a week of work, church, developing 2 web sites, working on the REEL logo, and some how finding a little free time for myself is exausting. This week has been the busiest in a while. But I should finish up all the computer projects by the end of the week, then I can start on my fire academy training( yeah I get to gain weight and get some muscle!!) It's so sad that the only way I gain weight is by working out. I'm also going to start studying my medical terminology and paramedic books so taht I'm prepared when I start skool.

On another note, I've been tuning my spiritual sensitivity lately, I had been neglecting it for a long time. When I was younger I used to see things that scared me, that was why I was afraid of the dark. In darkness or when my eyes are closed is when I can really jump into the other realm. I've been finding that my sensitivity is not based on what I am around or what I'm doing, it's more so based on what's going on inside of me. Which is not as affected by external things as people say it is. Lately I've been looking at my disernment kinda like a six sense and have been applying as one(all the time, just like you're always using ur 5 senses.

I love rainy days...

2005-03-09T17:39:00.000-05:00

It's been raining for the past two days and probably will continue till the weekend. I think the rain and the dull gray skies it brings is wonderful, I get so tired of the the sunshine and blue skies sometimes. Plus it matches the grays, whites, and blacks in my room. We've been working in a pent house on Hallendale Beach in the Three Islands, so the view from there is spectacular, besides all the white canadians on the beach. It's so relaxing to just sit back listening to my hard trance pumping out of my subwoofer and watch the rain create a lake in my back yard. I'm listening to Overdoes(Tony H Remix) by DJ Tomcraft, good stuff.

The flawless women?

2005-03-02T21:47:00.000-05:00

Today while entering StarBux with Jeff I saw a chick who was just about perfect in physical features. She had high well defined cheek bones, beautiful hazel eyes that even women could get lost in, wonderfully smooth skin that was slightly tanned, perfectly flat ironed thick brown hair with a nice sheen and highlights, a well formed chin, perfectly shaped hair line, well balanced eye brows, proportioned brow line and bridge, a cute button nose, sharp jaw lines, a ectomorpheses shaped face(diamond shaped), petite neck and wonderfully shaped collar bones. She also had a perfect figure, bust, waist, buttocks, shoulders, and legs were all balanced and nicely curved. When I was done analyzing the brief glimpse I had of her(about 5 seconds total) I was shocked to realize that for the first time I had completely picked a person apart and had found no physical flaws in them. This coming from the guy who looks at magazines and criticizes the flaws in super models. I don’t do this because I think I am the most perfect person in the world, it’s more like just a habit and grudge against the system which states that super models are perfect in features(which they are not, so many of them have the same flaws we all have). It just bugs me when people say, oh this person is superior because they are a super model or they can act. But anywayz another topic for another time. After that came the usual self condemnation for being so shallow with my habit. Then I began to think, if I ever would/could date someone like that what would my actions and thoughts be like towards them. Would I be a hypocrite and think them superior to myself and everyone else, or would I become insecure about my own image in sight of their state of imperfect perfection? And the rest is just circles within circles within my head… But the answer is no, I do not believe that my security nor my viewpoints on human equality would suffer from dating a almost perfect looking chick, but I can not say for certain because I have never dated anyone like that. No pun intended to former girl friends… what is perfect anywayz, does the shape of ones jaw affect your status in human equality? I think not, although Aristotle did say that “Beauty is greater then any letter of recommendation(college degrees, certificates, etc…)”. But I think that that is only true to people who do not truly see, this world we see with our physical eyes is only a fraction of the size of the real world, the world that exist in our hearts, minds, and most importantly in the spirit. Why am I blabbering on about things everyone knows…I’m tired… good night…

Ps... all views were strictly from a physical aspect, she could've been a horrible person for all I know, but I did not bother to desern that, I wanted my Toffe Nut latte!

The painters with a lisp

2005-03-02T21:41:00.000-05:00

I don't really know how to spell lisp, so I'm just gunna spell it lisp for now. I don't really feel like capitalizing stuff either, well besides I's. so anywayz, today at work all of us were speaking with a nice gay sounding lisp. it was hilarious, the people inside the place we were painting were prob like "omg what fagot painters" hehe. The guy from NY(the new guy painting with us) started doing it, then Brian, then me. by the end of the day we were all like "omg you do such beautiful painting hunny" "omg I like saw these shoes today and they were like so cute" hehe it made time go by faster. But we probably freaked out all the waiters and hostesses in AppleBees(we were painting the exterior). I wonder what gay frazes 2morrow will hold...

Busy Weekend Fun...

2005-03-02T21:21:00.000-05:00

This last weeked was fun, but oh so busy... between going to the beach, youth group, watching anime, going to Tate's , hanging out at kevin's house playing pool, seeing Constantine(Which was a great movie BTW), going to church, and young adults. lol, that was all stuff I did on Sunday, well except for the beach and Tate's, and watching anime and youth group and... omg Constantine was so good, it had some great reproductions of hell and really made so many people in the theater think on life after death. Gabriel was definately my fav character in it. Kevin's house is always fun, DDR was so fun like a week ago there, but we just ate, watched a old old old video of the youth group, and played pool. omg the video was like so old, I think I was 14 in it or something. lol the old skool youth group, JG@!!@!@@!!!@!@!@ Where did you all go to, there must have been a hundred people that I hung out with back then from the group, but now you are all gone. oh almost forgot I went out for all you can eat sushi with Jaison, Sofia, my sis, and Emily. That was interesting, I had eel, octopus, fish egg(Smelt Roe). I massacared like 20,000 fish in one bite eating that fish egg stuff. hehe this was rather random and run onny. I'm dead tired so I don't know what to write about. Work has been taking up so much of my time lately and I haven't been getting to bed at a decent time. Plus my weekend wasn't very restful. Oh the stresses of life(work) I just want to retire, right now, never work again. naw, being a fire fighter/paramedic should be fun. Atleast that will keep my interest for a while.

DJ Slavick ^_^

2005-03-02T21:14:00.000-05:00

This is one of my best friends sites, well virtual directory. It usually has some of his club mixs and pix. His name is Jeff Slavick and he's a DJ/tech dude/former fellow IRO player/really kool guy. lol

The Beach!!!

2005-03-01T20:01:00.000-05:00

On Sat. I went to the beach with a few people, it was supposed to be alot of people but only Jose, Juan, Migel, Marcos, my sis, and me showed up. It was still alot of fun though. I read most of the time, everyone else made sand castles and dug a huge pit, which we later baried ourselves in. The sky was over cast the entire day but it never rained. Nothing extremely eventful happend either, prob cauz I just read books most of the time.

Everyone trying to get out of the pit we dug

Us barried in the pit

Jose, Casey, Marcos, and Juan

Casey starting the hole and Juan reading a manga

Digging to China

another shot of us barried

Nazi and Jihad are bed fellows?

2005-02-22T20:32:00.000-05:00

I was walking through Barnes and Nobles, one of my fav places to be, and a book casing caught my attention. It brought a sick feeling to my stomach at first, but then I just felt understanding. It was a black and white picture of about one hundred teen age girls smiling and waving Nazi flags at a parade during WWII. The book was about understanding the thoughts of Germans during the WWII period. But a thought about the similarities between the Nazi and the Jihad popped into my head. Why do people get so uptight when they see a swastika but they feel nothing when they see a moon and star? Don’t Nazi and the Jihad have the same goal, although I might say that genocide of everyone that can’t be converted is slightly larger then the Nazi’ goal of the genocide of the Jews. My faith calls me to love my enemies as I would myself, but I just can’t keep from feeling like genociding the Jihad, see if they like it…I know I know, God say’s “ Justin, how many more teachings do you need before you love people where their at?” Easy for you to say God, you have the best view in the house on the situations; wanna share the box office seats? The Bicardi is on me...

In other random news today I had a Jurassic Park experience at work. I was waiting for my boss when I heard a noise in the bushes, so I walked over and saw a little two foot lizard and I just thought, oh another iguana. But when I started to walk away I noticed it got up and ran on it’s back legs(it looked so weird) so I walked back over to it and it opened up this thing around it’s neck, I guess u call it a mane or something. I was waiting for it to spit venomous blinding gooey stuff into my eyes causing paralysis, but it just turned and ran away as I was reaching for my camera. I don’t know what they are called but the lizard is from Aussie land, there are a bunch of them around here, but they are more rare then the Iguanas, which seem to be in every freaking tree.

After Youth Group Fun...^_^

2005-02-19T02:35:00.000-05:00

Friday evening was nice, we had a guest worship leader, that sounded like Jason Upton and had his same ministry style, at youth group. After YG we went over to the Murphy's house, with a pit stop for 20 people to Wendy's on the way. Once we got there we broke out the DDR(Dance Dance Revolution for all you people behind the times) and Kevin Sr. got going on the pool table, huslting everyone of course. I got really rusty on the DDR since last time I played. Jose and Jared kicked everyones butt at it. yeah... I don't feel like writing tonite... I'm listening to Gloria in D: II: Et in Terra Pax Hominibus... very relaxing... I am BORED... I'm about to go to sleep... I am looking around my newly painted room... I need to find a new dresser... just rearranged room... wow the youth group really did a good job painting my room... ok... no more random writing with the ... in between.......O.o

New State of Being?

2005-02-16T17:15:00.000-05:00

Have I entered into a new state of being by just switching my thought process over to a more simplistic and productive goal? I have left the stagnation of nothingness to face overwhelming odds at completing people minded goals. Such a bother... but well worth the effort. This sounds chaotic because my awareness has not yet fully grasped the change in my mindset and focus, but soon all things will be clear.

Leaving Rune-Midgard.... :-(

2005-02-15T17:59:00.000-05:00

Hehe... I left RO the other night. Everyone gave me a nice send off. I had announced I was leaving then signed on a bit later and I got like 50 PMs saying that I needed to stay, and they all most swayed me. But I feel better now that I deleted all of my chars, I feel as though I have exited a state of stagnation that I had been in for months now. I now have more time to spend helping people and using what I learned in Canada. Instead of sitting around doing nothing productive. RO had begun eating away at the my identity lately and leaving has gotten me out of that anti social state of being. Hmmm... not really I just make myself go anti social when I contemplate to much. Hehe I haven't put any of my theoritics on here lately. I should get around to doing that. But anywayz I have forever left the world of RO, I shall miss it and the people who I had gotten so close to. Bye Guild and I love u all, GL with getting to 99!

Switching majors again...^_^

2005-02-12T14:18:00.000-05:00

Hehe... did I already post this? I'm switching majors, again! Paramedic is just a much more appealing career, better job security, I wouldn't be sitting in a boring cubical all day, I get to help people, and the schedule is great. To many of my friends in the tech community have been laid off lately and they are having trouble finding jobs so I'm staying away from that field for now.

Remodeling...

2005-02-08T22:39:00.000-05:00

I'm preparing to remodel my room. Which will entitle; painting, installing crown moldings, taking down all pictues and posters, putting up framed paintings, replacing almost all my furnature, new closet doors(all mirrors ^_^), new more ambient lighting scheme, and I think that is about all. I'm going to put up before and after when I'm done.

I've been so friggian busy lately, I haven't had anytime to blog. I'm switching my major back to EMS(Emergancy Medical Services), because I want to become a fire fighter paramedic with Miami Dade. Much better benifits and retirement then tech jobs have to offer. Other then planning, work, study, websites, church, and a little anime here and there that's my life right now as much as I hate it being this busy, I have a odd feeling of contentment, well for now that is, with me it never stays, there is always something new to do, to see, to experience, I can never stay in one spot, doing the samething for long, and now I'm just trying to make this the longest run on I have done yet.

Boss and Coworkers

2005-01-22T23:55:00.000-05:00

This is me, 3 from the left, and the dudes I paint with. OMG we look so gruff and blue colarish. I'm still having fun painting and working with my hands, hey I always have worked with my hands, you have to type when programing! lol, in may I start college again so I'll probably switch over to doing some type of tech job.

Naruto ^_^

2005-01-22T23:34:00.000-05:00

I've been so into Naruto lately, reading the manga and watching the show, up to ep 119 so far! There are so many characters and I love them all, well except for Saskue that is, I really don't like that guy.

Temari, they should have her in the show more!

Kakashi, my cosplay character!

Hinata, Naruto is so blind!

Itachi, he competes with Kakashi for my favorite character.

Of course Naruto and the 4th are up there to!

And the jerk, Saskue

There are so many other, like Mitarashi Anko, Jiraiya, and Haku, that are really kool 2.

For what is just and good is on my side...

2005-01-10T15:58:00.000-05:00

"Discard your misperceptions.
Stop being Jerked like a puppet.
Limit yourself to the present.
Understand what heppens-to you, to others.
Analyze what exist, break it all down: material and cause.
Aniticipate your final hours.
Other people's mistakes? Leave them to their maker."

" For animate beings, "harmful" is whatever obstructs the operation of their senses-or the fulfillment of what tehy intend. Similar obstructions constitute harm to plants. So too for rational creatures, anything that obstucts the operations of the mind is harmful.
Apply this to yourself.
Do pain and pleasure have their hooks in you? Let the senses deal with it. Are there obstacles to your actions? If you failed to Rechon with the possibility, then that would harm you, as a rational being. But if you use common sense, you haven't been harmed or even obstructed. no one can obstruct the operations of the mind. Nothing can get at them-not fire or steel, not tyrants, not abuse- nothing. As long as it's a" a sphere...inperfect stillness."

"External things are not the problem. It's your assessment of them. Which you can erase right now.
If the problem is something in your own character, who's stopping you from setting your mind straight?
And if it's that you're not doing something you think you should be, why not just do it?
-But there are insuperable obstacles.
Then it's not a problem. The cause of youre inaction lies outside you.
-But how can I go on living with that undone?
Then depart, with a good conscience, as if you'd done it. ebracing the obstacles too."

"Not to know what the world is is to be ignorant of where you are.
Not to know why it's here is to be ignorant of who you are. And what it is.
Not to know any of this is to be ignorant of why you're here.
And what are we to make of anyone who cares about the applause of such people, who don't know where and who they are?"

"Choose not to be harmed-and youwon't feel harmed. Don't feelharmed-and you haven't been."

All quotes from Marcus Aurelius' Meditations

Are we animals or do we just make excuses?

2005-01-10T01:07:00.000-05:00

One thing that always bothers me is when people make excuses for their actions. I firmly believe that we always have a choice to make in every situation and every circumstance. One thing that I hear a lot, which I believe is an excuse for irrational behavior, is “oh I’m just going through puberty” or “I’m PMSing so I’m not really in control of the decisions in which I make”. To me those are just excuses for people being overcome by emotions, interferences with their rational thought, pain, and various other circumstances which can effect but not completely nullify our awareness and core identity. Or do we just dismiss our entire persona because of a chemical imbalance or to many pressures, I’ll just call all of those interferences for now? Take POWs for example, yes a undisciplined solider will be overcome by torture and reveal sensitive information to the enemy because of his lack of resolve and discipline when it comes to doing what is right and doing what feels easier. So many parents tell me that their children are just going through puberty or their teenage years and that is why they are taking such irrational actions. But I went through puberty, I’m not trying to sound superior this is just my experience, and I had those abnormal and inconsistent urges or desires but when I got them my awareness picked them up, and I thought “that was odd, I don’t normally think that way or that was rather abnormal, there is something wrong here” and then I began to analyze the cause of that abnormality, but most of the time I rarely gave into that sudden urge or desire. I always had a choice and I always had my core telling me wither something was the right choice or the wrong choice. When I gave into those abnormalities I did so willingly and knowingly making the wrong choice. So then why do people say that they are uncontrollable or incoherent during these times of increased interferences? If it is true and during these times of increase interference we are incoherent as to the effect our choices will make, are we no better then animals which are ruled by instinct?

I hope no one takes this like I am bashing people who’ve have made imprudent or inefficient choices. I am only trying to discern the extent of and strength of our awareness, identity, and free will. I believe that every action I have ever taken has been of my own doing, I was aware of the right and wrong choices, and that I am responsible without excuse for them. Right choices being prudent and beneficial to the future of myself and humanity and wrong being the opposite of that.

Retiring... for awhile

2005-01-01T01:47:00.000-05:00

To my regret I've choosen to stop playing Ragnarok and Lineage II for a while. They were just taking up so much of my time that needed to be devoted to other things, like school, work, and career stuff. I'll probably start playing again/gg, hope there is something left of my guild at that time. Haha, it'll be fun to start over if not/E10.

Around South Florida

2004-12-22T20:26:00.000-05:00

Some pictures of well basically me hanging out with friends and the anime con, which I went way over my budget at, it was so great though. OtakuCon! Not the greatest anime con but still fun and my kakashi constume is now almost complete!

filming a project with jose on the beach

Shopping at Guess with Paris Hilton(no I'm not getting belly the shirt was just being wierd, ya I know I'll always be skinny)

2 of my fav chars at the anime con

Sleep depravity after 24hours of gaming str8

paddle boating on marty's lake, Floridians don't like swimming in weather under 85* (avg temp this winter is about 70* I think)

Justin does manual labor _

2004-12-22T20:19:00.000-05:00

lol... I'll give everyone a second to recover from the shock of me actually doing manual labor.

ok yeah I'm a painter! it's a fun job, probably cauz I never had a job like it, programming and life guarding are way different. After spending two years in Canada I came back to massive identify fraud issues which has currently made finding a job impossible so a friend at church hired me onto his company till I get my identity fixed and am capable of finding a job in my field, computers science.

here some pix of my job ^_^

me painting a bathroom, I really need to get a digital camra cauz this would have been a nice shot, dang camra phone.

One of the houses we painted

Driving to a job site in the early morning sunshine of florida

Another Bathroom shot

Fire Station ^_^

2004-12-22T20:13:00.000-05:00

On thanx giving my father worked so we went and visited him at his station.

My lil sis and niece in the fire truck

My sis again

My dad going down the pole

Me and my dad

My niece going down the poll

Thanx Giving...late post ^_^

2004-12-22T20:06:00.000-05:00

thanxgiving was ur typical, yuca, plantains, turkey, pork, stuffing, rice n beans, ect...

Casey and Hanna

The whole family

Dad and my nieces

nieces and nephew

Hanna and Noah

Ramblings from my head...

2004-12-22T19:34:00.000-05:00

Pretty much everyday my head is stuck going in circles about some theory or such. This is this minutes thoughts from my head.

I’ve been thinking on how inefficient this world is, and the more I think about it the more I hate it. Cars for instance, so many people in America have them, but they are such a waste of resources and people keep buying them even though we have the technology to make a form of transportation which is much more efficient, by efficient I mean quick, economic, environment friendly, ect… Like maybe using solar cars with a max speed of like 45 MPH, at that speed the deaths related to cars would be cut in half. They would require no fuel, where as cars require gas, oil, transmission fluid, radiator fluid, and so much maintenance. Or think about how most products now only last a few years, it’s absurd. Products should be near indestructible and a life time. Much more efficient. Some would argue that this would offset the economy and that there would be less money moving, but that is just narrow minded thinking. Seems everyone is stuff in a mentality stating “this is the way things are”, where as I think people should think “how could things be”. Car enthusiast would probably hate my ideas relating to transportation but what is the better way, efficiency or attachment to inanimate objects? Most hobbies are inefficient waste of time and resources, so why do them? What do they accomplish? How do they effect the world? Do they serve to advance or help preserve humanity? Even with things which are not so much hobbies, like computers, they make them so that the hard drives and other things fail after a few years. It so frustrating. Probably because I am a person who hates doing something twice, I can’t stand watching the same movie over, cutting the grass every week, changing the oil in the car, replacing a burnt out hard drive, repainting a house, ect… I guess once I learn how to do something I have no wish to do it again. I like doing pretty much anything and I’ll do whatever it is to the best of my abilities, one time that is. Why is this? I meet people everyday that will watch the same movie over ten times, what is the point you already know the end and the plot, or people who will have one hobby their entire life. Some things I know we must do over and over, like farmers have to plant crops every year so that people have food and things like that. Even that I hate. Repetition is the bane of my existence. People say practice makes perfect, a false statement. Nothing in this world will be perfect, nothing a human touches will be perfect, so then why must we become better at something? It is an endless task no one can ever achieve there goal of reaching that state of doing something perfect. Some say it is not to reach perfection but to reach your potential. But even if you do reach your utmost potential you will not be able to stay at that level, after we are 40-45 our bodies start to decay and we can no longer do things with the same amount of effectiveness as we did when we are younger, so then what is the point of reaching a potential, which is not perfect, only to loss it long before we die?

Around and around I go. Lol this is a usual thought process that I have. That was about a 1 minute excerpt from my thoughts. Think I typed it out pretty much word for word.

Diaz moved in

2004-11-03T01:26:00.000-05:00

The Diaz boyz finally moved into there new house. It's a bit smaller then there last but still is nice. I'll miss the old house though, lots of fun memories. At least no more moving in the ghetto stuff for me. lol

Voting

2004-11-03T01:19:00.000-05:00

Yestday I went to vote at the early voting thing. It was extremely crowded, tons of people. I waited three hours in line to proudly place my vote for Bush, You rock man! The line extended out of the building and wrapped around it out side. The line inside looked like a theme park ride line, all zig zaggy. It looked really close, everyother person was voting for bush or kerry. Made me like Bush even more because the Kerry supporters were the nagging ones slandering Bush in anyway they could. I don't understand peoples bitterness. Anyways here are some pix.I'm gunna go watch the progress of the election.

a Day in the Ghetto ;o(

2004-10-25T23:17:00.000-04:00

The Diaz, Mary, and I just spent Friday moving the Diaz's stuff out of storage. The Diaz were very cheap in this endevor, having two skinny white guys help them move stuff and putting their stuff into storage in the middle of the ghetto. They put it in some old abandonned building full of wild cats and dogs. omg it was like so icky!! It was like walking into a third world country or something!! Jose's dad had Marty park the truck for easy access to the building but in the end he ended up blocking half the road during rush hour, but hey its Miami everyong is a crazy driver. The stuff was on the second story, where the floor boards were half eaten away by termites and was infested with cats. most of the doors were half eaten by termites too. After a while of moving everyone began to notice they were very itchy, when they examined their selves further they found hundreds of fleas!!! I of course was the onyl one with out them. hehe... They began beating themselves frantically to get the fleas off. After we where done moving we decided we had better wash our hands, something I think only made me dirtier. The bathroom didn't have running water, they had a hose coming in from the outside to flush to wash with. and the roof was made out of tires and there were lots of scary pictures of Jesus in Catholic form and and and.... omg after that we had to go to Home Depot to get bug bombs for the truck. That took about 2 hours becauz of all the nice drivers that tried waving at us but acidentally gave us the finger and all the crazy mixed up roads. When we got back to the really really scary building Jose locked the keys in my car, but that was ok because 7 Cuban guys who were just waiting for someone in trouble to help out pulled out slim jims and started trying to get into the car before I even knew what was going. No one spoke english very well. While the nice men were trying to break into my car a white guy drove by blairing rock music and one of the dudes yelled out"what the F%^$ is that S@#$, dis is da ghetto we don't play that S@#$". Once the car was unlocked we sped away from that icky place as fast as we could, so that we wouldn't have to meet anymore nice people who wanted to sell us something called tree.

Teaching about the Prophetic

2004-10-17T23:35:00.000-04:00

lol, I had a great day 2day, Jose, Juan, Luis, and I spoke on the prophetic at young adults. We did activations and everything, they were very receptive of what we had to say. AFter that went to Star Bux with an old crew from way back and talked about everything from Ragnarok to Trance, to postmodern church. Good times and Good night.

Internal Conflict...

2004-10-16T15:40:00.000-04:00

Lately I’ve been in this indirect introverted meditation state. It’s wasn’t even until last night that I noticed the extent of how far I had pulled myself in. An old friend showed up at the meeting last night and managed to snap me out of it. She brought back a lot of memories from when I was like 12 or 13. I was so active then, always outside doing something, usually torturing my sister and her friends. But the past two weeks I guess I’ve pulled myself away from everything, I still hang out with people and do things but it’s like I won’t allow any attachment what so ever with my heart because I’ve been reevaluating everything in which I believe and hold as righteous and just, and every thing good and evil. Trying to find out the truth, my mind always tells me in doing this I will exterminate even more of my flaws. But what is knowledge with out application, or truth without a medium for it to work in. Life is not solely in my head, it is within my heart and actions as well. I always seem to forget that later part though and make myself satisfied with life within contemplations. No… it’s not like I forget it’s that I remember the hurt and the mistakes that come with action and emotional attachments. Hehe... but what is the sense of life with out living, with out taking risk and chances. I go in circles with this over and over, I fear mistakes, but at the same time acknowledge that I am human. I’ve come to a awesome level of acceptance devoid of being influenced by outside interference, people, peer pressure, and other childish things like those and I am really beginning to conquer my greatest and most feared critic of all, myself. My mind tells me if something is broken throw it away, if something doesn’t work efficiently then let it go, but my heart tells me to cherish and love everything and everyone that I touch. I think it’s time to follow my heart more…

OMG... I like never post anymore.

2004-10-15T13:44:00.000-04:00

5 tips on baby sitting kids
1. Do not let them play with the TV remote or they will hide it and you won’t find it for a few days.

2. When they ask for a snack do not give them an entire box of cookies, or they will either get sick or you’ll triple their energy.

3. Do not mention Britney Spears, Christiana Agilely, or any other controversial pop star as being hot in front of there parents or you will have a lecture on how they are a bad influence
on the kids.

4. When they ask for a drink do not give them a regular glass, find a sippy cup and figure out how to open it.

5. Do not under any circumstance let them play the screaming game in the car. Once they start you’ll never stop them no matter how big the bribes.

Two of the Nieces and the Nephew

As you can see by the expert tips above I have been around my 3 nieces and 1 nephew a lot lately. They seem to be over the house every day. Lol…kids. The pix are from my phone so thats why they are such poor quality.

This is the movie theater at Los Olas, went there to see Ghost in a Shell 2

Hangning out at the Diaz's spa while we wait for the rain to stop

Me and Marty on the road to the boondocks where the Diaz boys live and about to hit a bad storm.

the view from a reception hall at a friends wedding

My sis and a friend at the same wedding as above.

Anywayz it seems like forever since I’ve posted, and to tell you the truth I haven’t been that busy, well… yeah I have. I’ve been hanging out so much with friends and family a lot. I’m going to be starting school again in Jan. and I’m going to start looking for a job soon as my Social Security thing is all fixed. Yeah, I don’t have a job yet, I do web development on the side and I’m pretty busy with church stuff so it’s sort of good I don’t have a job yet, until those are cleared up.

Yes! Another Hurricane!

2004-09-25T16:56:00.000-04:00

Were starting to get some extreme winds down here! The eye of this hurricane will be making landfall around 12 2night! joy another day locked in house with all the shutters up! I had a anime marathon thing last night here at my house, and we were all woken up to the sound of banging metal and saws and all other types of things used to put up storm shutters. my neibhorhood looks like its ready for a war, again! well I g2g pray for Florida!

Suprise birthdays

2004-09-19T01:41:00.000-04:00

Last weekend I went to Kevin's surprise birthday/costume party. My mom had to drive me to the party because I couldn't really sit down in my armor. It made me feel so old, I know I'm not old, but all the kids who I used to pick on in church because they were so much younger than me were their and all grown up. So weird. They were thinking that they are all kool and they all have their little clicks. Anywayz, on 2 the more important stuff like me getting the best costume prize, a $20 star bux card to add to my collection of gift cards. Nothing really eventful happened after that, there were like no hot gurls my age there~! There was also way to many ghetto people there, they kept telling me that my pants were too tight and men don't wear pink, so I kept telling them they were just insecure in their masculinity and that they didn't know how to dress. Yes, the Father's love was oozing out of me. Later, me and some friends went to Marty's house to watch anime till 5:00AM and having Wendies like 3 times that night, oh man so much weird stomach stuff started happening after that.

The following day we got up around 1:00 and had Burger King instead of Wendies. It was then that I started getting suspicious, Marty and Nathaniel were up to something evil and trying to hide it from me. All week people had been doing weird things, like my mother driving all the way to Tree Tops park to talk on her cell, my older sister making some type of black mail thing on a DVD (when I asked what it was for she would just say I don’t know why would you make something if you don’t know why your making it?) the DVD was loaded with pics of me at a young age wearing diapers, and all other sorts of things were going on. So I began thinking that I was at a heart of some super evil plot that everyone I knew was in on, I though it might be for a surprise birthday party, but that didn’t make sense at the time because my birthday was a month past. So I called my mom and she told me to be home by 7:30 for some family dinner thing. That was weird too, normally we plan those types of things ahead because everyone needs to be off work and stuff. So at 7:30 we pull into my yard, which is packed with cars, I as right it was an evil plot against me! As I walked up the sidewalk to the front door, I heard everyone inside telling each other to be quite he’s coming. I opened the door and was not so surprised to find about 65 people shouting surprise, I just smiled and began greeting people that I hadn’t seen in a long time, I made sure I talked to everyone and thanked them for coming. After that it was pretty much just socializing, eating, and playing music. Later I found out it was all my mom’s doing and that my friends had had me hang out so that she could prepare the house.

Good times...

2004-09-12T22:46:00.000-04:00

Today I went to my first Sunday service since I've been back! It was actually pretty good, lots of beloved faces missing, but still good. One of the elders spoke and actually had alot of Father Heart stuff to say along with the usual waring against demons and hurricanes, which some believe have demons...I'm clueless on that one. My church is a cool non-denominational charismatic holy ghost, demon casting out holiness movement church which is coming more and more around to the Father Heart movement. But we lost alot of members lately, no clue why which is highly unsual for me in my church. Lots of people pulled me aside asking for prophecy and prayer, which is highly embarrasing to me when I'm with a bunch of friends and people pick me out of a crowd as super spiritual(which I am not anymore so then the people I was with!). Some of the ushers were getting nervous when they heard me prophecing over people but when they recongnized me they were kool. So many people didn't recognize me, its not like I got plastics done or anything! I ended up sitting in front of my X's little sister then hanging out with her older sister, which is like totally trippy for me. Thankfully there is not near as much drama in my church as there used to be, everyone either got str8 or left. They church is down to like 700 members now, Eek!

After church was cool, I hung out with my old crew from just before I came to SoM. We went to a bar and played pool and had a few drinks. Later on my youth pastor showed up and showed off his pool skillz. Then Marty and I went ot go give blood, at his GF's extremely forceful prompting. After I got a finger prick they asked if I had a tatto in the last 12 months so then I couldn't give bloood since I had, the dude then shouted out "oh, he has AIDs so he can't give blood" There went all the eligable ladies in the house. but then just said he was playing, he was kool. Left my sis with some friends to see a movie and rode home with my friend Kevin who has a really nice hooked up car, body kit, racing interior, aftermarket performance parts, super kool sound system, and super kool redesigned interior. We got sized a bunch of times on the way home(people revved there engines at us)!

Good company

2004-09-09T23:20:00.002-04:00

Last night I went down to South Beach with Marty, it was pretty fun. We went to a few designer shops at a big open air mall they have down there that goes for a few blocks then had some sushi and grilled calamari in a great lime sauce at some place called Sushi Samba which had some great beats and some expensive sushi, 4 bux for one piece of it, it ended up costing us quite a bit for for a whole meal, my friggian cocktail was like 10 bux and it wasn't all that. There are so many hot chicas down there but every friggian one of them was with some buff jock. oih the gay men down here have some times kool styles but very often a sick style. Like this one dude I saw on a bike wearing butt tight white caprices, white sandals, and what looked to be like a creamy purple colored girls swim suit top, and to top that off he was hairy as hell. WTF is that about all about?

Tonight was just like old times, my very awesome friend Jeff, me, and Starbucks. Talking about future aspirations, goals, and of course trance, computers, politics(which we have exactly the same views on as well as pretty much everything else), and business. Jeff is a DJ and IT guy down here who I've known since I was like 13. We're probably going to open a business together doing IT stuff for companies and some web hosting. He also showed me some of his mixing and turn table skills with a little hard trance at his house, good stuff! He'll probably help me out a little when I start the club church thing down here as well as go to Holland with me for a big trance show some time next year.

Oh did I mention the temp difference between here in Toronto? I'm loving not being continually frozen!

Manual Labor + Justin = Justin + Not Happy

2004-09-06T23:52:00.000-04:00

well not really I had some fun today doing lots of work in the great outdoors of South Florida today. I helped my fam clean up the yard from the hurricane. There were branches and leaves everywhere, I had to mow, blow leaves off the sidewalk, edge around the house and sidewalk, and clean up stuff in teh yard. All the neibhors were out today cleaning and chainsawing branches and mowing there grass. So now my block doesn't look like we just went through a hurricane yesterday. I also had to take apart my neibors swing set, which required some doing since the screws were all rusted in place. I had to rip the thing apart with my bare hands and a saw that cuts threw metal really fast like thingy. Then it was off to my sisters in Boca Raton, which was hit alot harder than us, so we got to see a few hundred trees ripped out of the ground along the high way on the way to her house, I wonder how much of our taxes went toward planting all those trees. The food was good at her house, although packed with garlic. My brother-in-law gave me a book on programing in C so that made my day. My neices were crazy! they are the loudest kids ever. they run from one end of the house to the other screaming at the top of there lungs. then they started playing ruff with my nephew so I told them to stop but instead of stopping they told me to get out of there room, and I for some reason listened to them and then was laughed at by my siblings. I'm the type of guy who if kids want something they can cry and I'll give them what ever they want, although I am doing better with that, just not completely there yet. But they do love me and I missed them alot.

The White Cracka...

2004-09-05T18:44:00.000-04:00

What’s going on in TACF now a days? Probably no fun and no drama! Ha, you’re probably thinking life with out Justin is so bland, he was such a cool guy, and most of you are probably thinking you should’ve tried to date me while you had your chance. But now its too late and you’ll never forgive yourselves for not throwing yourselves at me when you had the me right their in front of you for that year and a half. R/O You guys are probably all relaxing now that I’m gone, you don’t have to have all that pressure of living up to me. And some of you are thinking why did I never talk to him and you hating yourselves for not doing it, but that’s ok I forgive you, I know how intimidating my perfection must appear. I hope that most of you have gotten over my leaving, you must have cried for days, wishing that you could’ve of said one more thing to me before I left. Lol…j/k…
Really though how are things up in TACF?

Waste of time and boring....

2004-09-05T14:35:00.000-04:00

This storm is so disappointing. Everyone made a huge deal about it and the news is trying to turn it in to a big story but the truth is it’s not really that big of a deal, a few branches got knocked off trees and some stuff flew around, big deal! I was kind of nervous that the storm might cause a lot of damage but at the same time there was that exciting feeling that a storm was coming, and threw the storms I’ve always had this thrill feeling, and especially after the storm when you get to see the destructive power of mother nature, it just makes you feel in awed and thrilled. But this storm is not weak enough to be safe, and not strong enough to be excited about. My dad is out side filming right now and all my neighbors are outside talking and enjoying themselves, meanwhile ever friggian store is closed and most of my friends don’t want to go out so I’m stuck in boredom. We also went through all the work to shore up the house and put up our shutters and buy supplies for nothing, but I guess it does pay to take precautions. Home Depot, hardware stores, and grocery stores made a lot of money this week, their the only ones happy. So now I'm just sitting in my room bored with everything still closed even though the winds are down to under 50MPH! Peace out.

.::.::. Friggian Hurricanes! .::.::.

2004-09-02T17:46:00.000-04:00

Of course right when I get home a massive hurricane that is as powerful as Andrew and twice the size of my state! I just finished getting food supplies and shoring up my house. Not one bit of sun light can be seen within my house anymore we have our storm shutters up on all windows, glass doors, and other points of entry. My neiborhood looks like its ready to be bombed or something, everyone has taken everything that is not bolted down inside so they do not become missles, and they have also put up there shutters. Everyone is freaking out because we haven't had a storm this bad since Andrew on my 13th birthday which caused $25 billion in damages and many many deaths. A rig full of ply wood was just hijacked on the highway becuase stores are running out and they are only aloting 5 sheets per house if they have any at all. Poor saps who didn't want to put out money for storm shutters are paying for it now. They started evacuating a few million people from our barriar islands a few hours ago. Everyone is taking this thing so seriously. I just got back from Publix, where ATMs were out of cash, water is continually being shipped in, and the canned tuna was all sold out along with most of the batteries and other non-parishables. The grocery stories have directed all their drivers to take mostly bottled water down from the north. Home Depot is shipping ply wood from Georgia and other states down here cauz were just about all out. Most gas stations are running out of gas, for fear of the power being out for more than a week. Hopefully the power won't go out for too long. The storm is estimated to last for one to three days overhead depending on how much it slows when it hits. One cool thing is that my dad got a hernia a few weeks ago so he is recovering from sergery so this will be the first hurricane he has been home for, usually he has to be on call as a paramedic. This house went through Andrew though so it should be fine, everything is in the Lords hands, because He is the one after all who created and controls nature.

Home?

2004-08-31T03:19:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm home at last! It's not everything I remember but it feels so good to be home. I got in around 5:45PM last night, after a massive ordeal at the airport! I only was allowed 20k of weight and I had 65k, so I upgraded to first class allowing me only 40k of weight, I then dumbed some books taking my weight down to 55k and pleaded with the clerk to let me in, which he did. I bypassed the whole welcome home party thing and had a nice little dinner with two of my best friends, parents, sisters, brothers, neices, and nephew. oh, it was so good! yucca, plantains, chicken, blackbeans and rice... I'm back in my element! I then jumped on my new machine and began trasnfering files and watching some anime. lol, can u say homebody!

Today I've been playing it low, not calling anyone, not really going to see many people. I don't want a forceful rentry, I'm going to assese the situation and enter in my own time. I went by my church to drop my sister off adn said hi to the office stay, who were elated to see me and ask if I was finally home to stay. The drivers down here are crazy, everyone runs the red lights without camras attatchted to them, and everyone was honking and yelling at me for driving the speed limit. Oh well back to the rush rush culture of Miami. I then embarked on a shopping trip with on of my BF(not boyfriend, one of my bestfriends)we were looking for a DVD for his GF. we went to the three main malls in my area and one anime store none of which had it, so we finally ended up finding it at the tiny mall(about the size of york dale) around the corner from my house. I had some great cajun food at the mall TOO! Bourbon chicken with some jambalya rice and plantains, baby! after that I went to by a game and a book only to find out that I have completly forgot my pin number! all in all it was a pretty uneventful day. No adventure so far...

As soon as I landed yesterday I could just feel all the oppression here. Toronto made me really soft in my ability to resist certain strong holds. Everyone one here acts like their poor and needing more, when that is really not true at all. they have this take, take, horde, horde, survive, survive, mentality. So when I flew into that I began taking it on right away, worring about jobs, cars, money. But I quickly identified the stuff and was like this ain't me, I never worry about this stuff so screw it all, everythings gunna work out. But it seems like everyone around me is thinking, "wow going up there made you so behind on your studies", "look what kind of job I got while you were up playing ministry", "what you think you'r better than us now?", "are you a threat?", overall the same old same old. But I never really let that kind of narrow minded crap get to me and it ain't going to get to me now, so I'm just chilling and relaxing for a few days while casually looking for a job and maybe going to stir the minds of the traditional thinkers in my church witha little bit a aggressive debate. Is this really still home, do I have a home besides the Father's arms and my families company? well I'm off to do some work adn watch a movie... more to come tomorrow... which should be an adventure because I actually have part of it planned out. well its so late and I'm so tired I can barely type, not to mention spell. peace out

6 more days...

2004-08-24T11:08:00.000-04:00

Wow, only six more days till I'm back home and only 3 more days till my birthday! The year and a half that I've spent here has just flown by so incredibly fast. When I came up here I was 19 now I’m going home I’ll be 21! Spending that year and a half here has changed me in so many ways, I haven’t even been able to comprehend all the changes in me yet. It has been great living at TACF and meeting so many wonderful people, but it’s time for me to go home, to start moving in my own ministry, career, and bringing what I’ve learned and experienced here down to South Florida.

Out with the Green and in with the Anime!

2004-08-23T19:07:00.000-04:00

I finally got rid of that puke green template, well not really rid of most so I just altered it into an anime template, changed around some colors with photo shop and CSS and add a few new pics. Now all other blogs will bow down to my blog! j/k not really.

People should be RED!....

2004-08-23T16:46:00.000-04:00

About this time yesterday I was sitting in the auditorium lounge, bored as hell, starring at a bunch of markers. While starring at the markers I had a brilliant idea, people should've been kool colours like red or sky blue, instead of these earth tones that everyone is. So to experiement with the idea of people's skin being kool colours I picked up a red marker and started coloring myself. When I had finished coloring my entire foot I noticed that I was using a perminent marker, big mistake! So I found another marker that was similar color red and a little less hard to clean off and began with my hand, I couldn't do much else because I started running out of markers, damn cheap marmac markers. But here are the results, try to image a completely red person, with cool eyes too like maybe blue on blue instead of the usual blue on white.

Arn't I sexy in red?

Been a while...

2004-08-19T21:24:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I lasted posted. I've been sidetracked lately with massive amounts of programming and learning. I've been reading every book on web dev that I can lay my hands on particularly .NET and PHP centered books and of course MSDN's Developers Center. XML has really caught an interest in me, at first it seemed so simple then when I started getting into SOAP, XSLT and other things it was more challenging and lots of fun. I have rarely had time to spend with friends and things of that sort. I've been stuck in a logical analytical mind set, which means I have a hard time socializing. Logical and rational thinking do not flow well when socializing, especially with right brainers.

Recently my contemplations of been focused on one of the three fundamental questions of life, our meaning for existence. My thoughts on this keep going in circles and the only thing that keeps me on track is my faith. At times I can’t keep myself from thinking life in itself is meaningless, I look at a typical person’s life and ask myself “what does it accomplish”, they learned, sustained their life through work, experienced joy and sorrow, and reproduced and in turn their offspring does the same, a cycle which usually does not benefit the greater good for humanity nor does it seem to accomplish anything besides continuation of the cycle. We have barely achieved anything in the past few thousand years, yes drastic technological advancement and social reformation has occurred, but have we evolved as humans, do we operate in a higher level of cognitive thought? We have increased in knowledge but are we anymore wise than Solomon or the Greek philosophers? We still have wars, we still steel, we still need, we still have irrational and massively inefficient bias. The only think in this monotonous cycle that is worth living for is God.

If you would like to comment(anyone and everyone) on what your thoughts are on the above paragraph, I want to know what others think on this. It would be greatly appreciated.

Oh I recently took the Life languages test online and guess what I’m a contemplator! Had you all fooled didn’t I!

School 18 Grad

2004-08-06T15:04:00.000-04:00

Grad for school 18 was actually pretty fun. The food was ok, well it was good. I sat a the Volunteer table, where all the volunteers and Luis sat. It was nice watching everyone get so excited about graduating from the Heart module. Later their were smoothies, from Carlos (thanx man I havn't had a good smoothie in a while, damn Canadians just don't know how to do it like us tropical boyz), ice cream over waffles(never heard of that till I got up here), and cheese cake taht was actually pretty good, not to heavy not to light. following the desserts there was dancing to music with out curse words and perverse lyrics (there goes all the fun, j/k). I didn't see much of the dancing cauz me and the Diaz boyz were to busy enjoying the prank the girls pulled on them in their room.

Right before the dancing started Juan went into the room to find it was covered with paper shreds, he sooon after found me nad Jose who dove in it and then began throwing it every where. We had a great time with the paper, thanx gurls! Later on at night I dressed up in my skin tight black overall things(found them in the lost and found), a dull gray hoody, black gloves, and ski mask. I then stealthly followed Elinor back to her room, once she was in her room I attacked her & Sarah(swedish one) with my trusty squirt gun cauzing them to scream and me to retreat, mission accomplished. Even later on Jose and Juan threw most of the paper shreads in to blankets to dump in Elinor's room, while I scouted out Elinor's room, but I found a locked door and when I tried going over the wall I found a make shift roof, which I then tried to dismantle but found it made too much noise, then I was going to cut a hole in it but that would have made to much noise also, so we aborted the prank and ended up sleeping on the paper instead. (paper shreds are very comfortable to sleep on when you have sheets over it)

The Diaz boyz and I

Diaz room with paper

Chilling in the paper

Jose at a table.

Juan and I

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Leader's School Graduation

2004-08-05T11:17:00.000-04:00

Oh I miss you all so much! thanks for the pictures Steve.

Leader's Grad Pictures

Me

Steve and Andrea

Dan

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Outreach teams are back!

2004-08-01T22:55:00.000-04:00

The Kaos builds as more Outreach teams come back!(I like that spelling of Chaos by the way)It started with Lissa and Brooke formulating an devious plan to soak their entire outreach team, they told their whole team they were having a meeting to give them money back then they proceeded to soak the whole Team Seattle once they were all gathered. The Diaz clan launched an all out assault on the poor out numbered small group leaders Brooke and Lissa. I helped them break into the office where they left a trail of water marks all over the floor and cubical walls as they sought to over come their victims with Latino power. Soon after the Diaz boyz turned on one of their own, Andres, They pursued him to the farthest reaches of Marmac until Juan running as fast as he could while holding up his pants threw a bucket of water at him causing him and Juan to both slip then fall, Juan sliding into the dishes under the toaster and breaking quite a few of them while cutting himself and Andres just falling. Luis and Jose then came up and soaked Andres who then began profusely screaming in Spanish. Ahhhh... reminds me of home.

Watery awakening.

2004-08-01T16:45:00.000-04:00

Around 2:00PM this morning Dan Slade woke me up when he opened my door and looked in my room. I immediately thought he was going to get me to go somewhere so I threw on my cloths and walked out of my room right into an ambush, Sarah D., Elinor, and Dan started firing at me with squirt guns, the early morning dulled my reactions so I got hit twice before closing my door, I then climbed into Sean's bunk to observe the enemy and their positioning from the view over my wall, they were close and I knew I could make short range weapons capable of reaching them, and frantically looking for a weapon other than my empty squirt gun. I found a cane, I don't know why I had a cane in my room but it was their, and I began swinging it wildly out my door trying to clear a path for myself to the showers but I ended up throwing it at Dan after I got capped in the face, I then was back to frantically looking for a weapon in my room and then I saw it, WD-40, a perfect weapon I then quickly found matches and went out my door welding a short range flame through, the enemy retreated back out of my range, and theirs, but then my match went out and I was forced to retreat back into my hold, I then was again frantically looking for another weapon I found a bunch of tacs and duck tap, which I could turn into a mace if I could find a stick but by then the enemy had realized my superiority in warfare over them and began to go mad shooting each other so I then came out and threw some water at Elinor and Sarah, then I took a shower. THE END.

Wonderful yet sad day!

2004-07-30T18:45:00.000-04:00

Today was so great yet so sad, great because I won the water war and sad because the wonderfully amazing Sarah Wagler has departed from Marmac and TACF. Most of the staff participated in our Union Office War thing and about 15 of us went for a going away lunch at the Mandarin for Sarah. Sorry Sarah, I didn’t get to say good bye, I got a little side tracked with hunting people down and eliminating them, I returned to Maramc around 4:25 to find you had left without giving me a hug! Miss ya already, sniff sniff.

The rulz were we could shoot anywhere besides the two main buildings excluding the sanctuary and that we were given one target a piece to begin with, once we killed the target we aquired their name badge 1 point and their target as our new target.

It was a long and tedious battle, ending with me as the sole survivor. My first kill came around 11:30 after one foiled plan coordinated with Sarah Wagler to ambush Sarah Dailey as she came to get something from Wagler, I finally capped Sarah with my short range water pistol in her back as she was running frantically trying to get away from me as I sped toward her (she said like a cheetah). The second kill came shortly after the first. I concealed my water gun in a hidden pocket within my caprees, placed my badge under my cardigan, and walked down to Maramc looking for my prey, he ended up not being their he was sitting in Sean’s car with the doors locked and the windows up. After much lying persuasion I got him to open the window about a half an inch, that was the last thing he did that day, I capped him in the back of the head through the crack of the window. I then received my next target Ben Pulson. Shortly before that I found out that Ben had me as his target which made the game a whole lot easier for me because he was stuck in the office. So I let Ben walk out the door to lunch before me and shot him in the back as I stepped out, which then I acquired myself as a target and kept it that way so I could have a peaceful lunch with out being paranoid of getting killed at the Mandarin. Following lunch I got a new gun, because mine broke during lunch, I acquired a new target, Martin – Café. He proved to be rather easy, tricking a man with a beautiful girl is rather dishonorable to me but all is fair in love and war. I had Sarah W. ask him to come out side and as he did I shot him in the back. After much waiting the game finally ended with a duel between Kimiko and I. I ended up with a salute from everyone and two movie tickets, also with an satisfied ego. And that was the fun part of the day.

Also: the outreach teams Denmark and England came back to day, they were greeted by a monotone recording done by Lee, Dan, Shawna, Jen, and I. It sounded really great and got really annoying after we repeated it about 100 times. “yeah…yeah…yeah…welcome back out reach teams…we are very pleased to see you.(monotone)

On the Curve

2004-07-29T17:02:00.000-04:00

Last night Lee, Steve, Sarah W., Sarah D., Sarah N., Mel, Martin, and I went to the club called On the Club. Steve drove (English man who is used to the other side of the road). The was fun and relaxing, we talked, drank, ate nachos and wings, and played pool. Then packed into a grand am with 6 people (I had to lay across the people laps in the back seat).

Steve, Me, and Mel

All of our hot selves!

Mel and Sarah N. chowing down

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Full of Sushi

2004-07-29T14:21:00.000-04:00

Dude! I feel so weird, well I was feeling great after going to an all-you-can-eat Sushi (I love sushi!) place for lunch with Blake, Sarah, and Mel, but then on the way back to work I was suddenly hit by a wall. Well not a real wall, but it was like a wall in my head. When I get home I'm going to a ton of responsibilities and I'll be Xtremely busy. I've been sitting up here in TO. with no responsibilities and only working like 25 hours a week while I count away the days with great anticipation. Yes, I'm still excited about going home but I still should enjoy being up here in TO. and try to get as much as possible out of being up here instead of seeing the days that go by as one less day till I go home.

Isolation vs. Consolidation

2004-07-27T12:07:00.000-04:00

Before last night I saw everything with as isolated objects, feelings, thoughts, assumptions, moods, brain, heart, subconscious activities, and every entity with in those as isolated objects also. This way of thinking constantly created mass confusion in my head because there were too many objects affecting my awareness to keep track of. I saw everything as opposing forces if they had even the slightest difference in the direction in which they moved in. The only good thing about thinking this way was I had an excellent grip on what was going on in me and where all the affects on my awareness or conscious self were originating from (excluding the fact that its harder to understand yourself than it is to understand other people because of our own defense mechanisms and depending on issues of significance and security). Now I just take my awareness as more of a whole and only if something is affecting my awareness to the point of altering perceptions do I investigate where the affect is originating from. It always me to function with less friction, so I’m not thinking that theirs some massive battle between my conscious and subconscious. I don’t even really know why I think on these thing so much anymore, their more of old Yoga and Kung Fu teaching blending into my psychology classes. They are somewhat useless techniques I should problem just journal more, but in a left brain mood, which I am not currently in, they are fun to think about. Revisions to come later.

Sarah's B-day

2004-07-27T10:27:00.000-04:00

Yesterday we went to the Green Mango for Sarah's Birthday and I found that I like Tai food, even though it smells like a wet dog. Also their iced coffee was great! I'm still not sure about that Bubble Tea stuff though. Then we hung out at Marmac and had some extremely fun truth or dare games(Sarcasim). Following that I slip further into my left hemisphere and restructured the way I process my internal awareness.

Starting from the right: Steave, Andrea, Dan, me, and Lee.

Starting from the left: Steave, Dan, me, Lee, Sarah Nickling, Sarah Wagler, Johanna, Sarah Dailey, Andrea, and Elinor.

Us at the Green Mango

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Wasaga Beach Trip!

2004-07-26T14:12:00.000-04:00

Dan, Sarah W., Sarah D., Jen, and I went to Wasaga beach this weekend for some fun in the sun. Everything was great, the ride there was peaceful and the scenery was ok (well a little to many farms for my taste), we got free parking, and then I saw the water, it was a sickly puke brown color. Up until getting here everyone was telling me how wonderful Wasaga beach is so I thought to myself “these poor deprived Canadians don’t even know what a beautiful ocean beach with crystal clear water looks like, they have not even begun live life! The worst part was that their were multitudes of people on this wretched strip of sand, which they called a beach (beaches have blue water, people!). We found our little niche on the beach in no time at all, but then everyone wanted to go swimming so we went on a very long search for changing rooms, in which I had an funny time changing because their was a women in the next stall in the men’s wash room. Once we were all finished changing we found a new spot on the beach that had less people so we decided to claim it. Then Sarah W decided she could beat me racing into the water, I don’t know what she was thinking, Hello! I used to be a life guard. After I severely beat Sarah W out into the water, I began feel the symptoms of severe hypothermia and I began passing out from the frigidly cold ugly brown Canadian lake water, well not really I got really cold so I went back to shore. When I got back to shore and began thawing out I saw some poor underprivileged Canadian dude trying to para-surf in the frigid ugly brown Canadian lake water with no surf and barely any wind. Sarah W and I then went searching for an inter tube to buy, but in the end for some reason even though we saw lots for cheap we never bought one. When we got back to our little niche on the beach we found a game of cricket going on right in front of us and some crazy Indian men screaming ali ali ali and running around hitting a tennis ball, oh yeah they also indirectly threatened Dan with the tennis ball. In the middle of our tanning session we remembered our free parking ticket was about to expire, so we made our way back to the car to go to yet another of these fresh water Canadian beaches. At the next beach we went to the girl decided that they could match Dan and I at some weird form of soccer with out goals, after a some time of playing the girls noticed that they hadn’t gotten the ball once and how superior Dan and I were to them so they began groveling on the floor begging us to impart to them the ways of playing the weird form of soccer, well not exactly like that but close. After that everyone, for reasons I have still to figure out, wanted to go back into the frigidly cold ugly brown Canadian lake water, which they did and a giant mud fight ensued with Dan again showing his superiority over the girls. When they finally made it back to shore the girls were in bad shape and Sarah W was complaining about some form a Brown Vision (a condition of the eyes when to much mud enters, you begin seeing everything with a brown tin) she said it was the mud but I think the water also had something to do with it. When the girls were done recovering they went back to the car to change leaving me and Dan in Sevier throws of boredom. Then it was Dan and I’s turn to change but just as we were going to change all of these moms started walking buy, changing in front of girls that’s nothing but MOMs! After all of the changing and nakedness someone had the bright idea of going to Taco Bell and manipulated all of us into thinking that we were hungry.

As we entered the Taco Bell, which had some of the worst landscaping I’ve ever seen, we could feel the sticky spilled coke residue sticking to the bottoms of our sandals as we walked to the end of a very long line up. The people in the line were mostly young wannabie beach bums and for the most part quietly waiting for their terribly unhealthy fast food which we soon found was not very fast. Myself and everyone else except for Dan was broke so Sarah was forced to pay for us all. As Sarah and I approached the clerk behind the desk he asked us in a quite half slurred half mumbled “what would you like?” We wanted a personal pan pizza and cinnamon sticks, neither of which they had. We somehow squeezed our way into getting a $6 medium pizza, even though (much to their surprise) Sarah D. and Jen had to pay $18 for the same thing (work that one out). Then the waiting began and in the end all the girls legs became so weak after waiting for the hours it took to get the food they had to sit down, so Dan and I braved the waiting and brought the food to them. But when Sarah opened her pizza box and found a degradation, there were no pineapples on her pizza! Then Sarah came up with a diabolical plot to manipulate the pizza guys to give her the money back. Dan had similar problems when he opened up his tacos they were all half full! In the end Sarah got her money back and Dan ended up with nothing. Girls kick ass (Sarah put that in) While this was all going on I asked Sarah for the keys so I could go get some stuff our of the car. A minute later I came back in and casually mentioned that we had a slight dilemma because the keys were now in the trunk and the trunk was closed and the door all locked. Ya see I had tried to unlock all the door by pressing the unlock button but I had actually pressed the lock button then I opened the trunk and stuff started falling so when I went to grab the stuff I also grabbed hold of the trunk to balance myself and it closed. Sarah W. then ran to the payphone and called 911 then hung up on them and called a tow truck which we were informed would be their in ten minutes. (she'd like me to insert here that she only called 911 because we didn't have any other numbers and the local police page from the phone book was half torn out, not because she is a hopeless female.) Then we realized that we would have to pay the dude to open the trunk, so Sarah and I went to go get money out of an ATM, which took forever and a day because she forgot her pin twice then we found out there was no more money in the ATMs and had to find another one. While we were away a female cop showed up who thought she would show how much of a badass she was by yelling at Dan, Jen, and Sarah about how she would take them down to the station and give them all spankings for calling 911 when there wasn't a real emergency. When she left the tow truck dude showed up and got the lock opened in like 2 seconds after Dan had been trying forever to get the door open with a coat hanger. Forty dollars later, everyone had a heart attack when they couldn’t find the keys in the trunk but eventually I found them at the bottom of my bag. Then we got lost on the way back, ended up in Orangeville somehow and shared all of our dreams for the future with each other. I think we bonded.

This is the beach I go to the most at home(This is a beach)!
Wasaga in no beach!

Long hard day of work

2004-07-23T15:27:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting here relaxing in the lovely Marmac computer room after a long hard day of work that consisted of things like soaking, prophecy, and eating at the expense of my employers(I do that everyday). I just finished listening to my prophetic tape recording, it was pretty much my usual prophetic stuff, you have lots of the Holy Spirit and their is room for lots more, place your calling in the center of your heart, bring more balance into your life/ministry, and that their is so much inside of me that I refuse to let out but it needs to come out.

I think the first prophecy, about the Holy Spirit, is what everyone gets, cauz everyone can be filled with the Holy Spirit, nothing special in the sense of uniqueness there. The second one got me a little aprehensive about going home because she said that I need to place my ministry in the center of my heart so that it is a priority, which it is now but what she said made me feel as if there will be lots of distractions ,which is very likely because my bussiness will take up alot of time and I have alot of bussiness lined up add that to friends that love to do something everyday and every night = lots of distraction. Another thing that was said about me placeing my calling and ministry in the center of my heart is fruit coming out of that in the form of intimacy with God. The balancing thing is my interpretation of what the chic said about me holding a long table from one end only, like one of those folding tables in Marmac, and that it was heavy and I held it but it was a strain, but then she saw me move to the middle of the table and hold it their and it was easy, she also said she didn't know what it meant. I took it as that fact that I need more balance in my life/ministry because I tend to be super strong in some areas and those I jump into and then weak in others and those I stray away from. The last thing said was about a bag and a person being locked up in their screaming ot get out. That is so me! When I was younger I was very eccentric and talkative, but over the years I began to observe that it's not always so good to stand out or to be different so I conformed myself as bested I could to society and culture around me, which only just in the past 7 months I've been undoing and I think I'm about to the point of being me, cauz I'm not all that wierd and different(just a lil). I also developed this stupid thing of not speaking to people unless spoken to or formally introduced. The main part of me that this prophecy spoke to though is my passion, or lack of. Using my left brain ways of thinking long ago I concluded that passion was a weakness as well as was hope(I had been let down to many times). Because if you have extreme amounts of passion or hope then if you fail or what you were hoping in doesn't come about your left with crushed dreams, where as if you have little passion or hope then when things down come about you can move on to something else or try again as effeciently as possible. Well my hearts been telling me that this doesn't work (that you'll eventually break down). So over hte past year I've been daring myself to pick up passions, dreams, and hopes. But I've been doing so in a cautions way, guarding my heart every step of the way (which is not a bad thing when done in balance). Another aspect of that is my melancholy like behavior, which has been slow at dying. This behavior, the monatone voice, the lack of complements to others, etc...

one thing I was glad about these prophecies was that they didn't mention me playing music, starting culture based churches around the world, or working with many young adults. Probably about the last ten times I've had prophecies its been about those three things, so this was a nicer break but also kind of the usual.

hmmm... this is a rather personal entry into my blog... I started this at a suggestion from someone to blog about my prophecies... ah its good for me to be personal I guess. I hope I didn't bore anyone to much.

Mohawks, Tattoos, and Piercings

2004-07-21T14:51:00.000-04:00

Since coming to the schools of ministry I've gotten a tattoo, had a mohawk, and have added two more piercings to my ears. That would be a great testimonial for the SBS or Heart module brochers, those Sothern Baptist would love it!

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Winter Collections out.

2004-07-20T18:59:00.000-04:00

The winter collections our now being shown on most designers web sites, not like I can afford them right now though. I'm liken this turtle neck under your suit thing that I'm seeing.



I need white pants, I've been on this white kick fo eva now! white belt, white watch(which I have still not found for under $400), white sandals, and um I wanna white zip up! Burberry has some kool stuff that I might look into when I get home and actually make money.


ya can't see the pants all that great thought!

The Suits... Oh the suits!


The only thing I don't like about Gucci is that they didn't cut their suits higher like everyone else this year, but their suits are still terrific.

In case anyone was wondering why I dedicated a post to fashion, its because I haven't had anyone to talk to about it in a while so I had to get my cravings out!

God is an awesome yet mysterious Dude!

2004-07-19T15:08:00.000-04:00

Oiu... I was having this convo wit God 2day and He is just like so freaking mysterious! It started off wit me saying "Dude God what am I going to be doing when I get home or what do U want me doing" then He was like leaving it up to me what I want to do, the only prob is I have no clue what I friggan want to do!!! I mean I know what I want to do but I don't know what I really really want to do. I'm going to end up doing something that I love I know that I would never alway myself to get into something I don't want to be doing, but I can't stand being so flip floppy. One day I want to be a fashion designer, the next travel doing comp work for peeps, then its have a stable bussiness in Miami. Then its like should I go back to uni or should I just do tech or nothing.! ahhahhahaha the lol. never mind God just spoke when I get home a door will open and things will click for me, lol He always does that.

Everything under the sun is meaningless

2004-07-16T11:36:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting here at my desk listening to Ecclesiastes on Dave's Music. It's probably my favorite book of the Bible. It just shows you how meanless everything under the sun is without God. Ecclesiastes is very similar to alot of the thoughts in my head. Everyone scurring around doing all that they can before they die, and everything they do will just be forgotten in a short time. LoL...how do people live with out God, where do they get their significance and selfworth? There is no grand design, no greater purpose besides bettering mankind, and how many can say they have achieved that?

Man is eminently a storyteller. His search for a purpose, a cause, an ideal, a mission and the like is largely a search for a plot and a pattern in the development of his life story - a story that is basically without meaning or pattern.
Eric Hoffer

lol, I have the most morbid and bland blog out there, or maybe I was just listening to Ecc. to long.

Days Go By And Still I'm Here

2004-07-15T11:38:00.000-04:00

Wow, Isn't that a song title, well thats what I feel like right now. I feel as though I'm not accomplishing for the greater good, I feel that I'm just stuck in the circles of life. Even when I leave here and go home I'll still be stuck in circles; work, ministry, play, and then repeat. I will be doing things for a greater purpose so that might lift up my sense of signifigance some but the cirlces are still there. I have thought and thought about this over and over and I can't see a way out of them. We are all bound by these mindless circles of insignifigant chores which bring neither human advancement or any sense of a greater cause besides that of religion. And then they say and what of happiness and joy, to those I say they are only temporary emotions we can't live only for happiness and joy, that would inevitably lead toward immoratlity and greed. Yes God is the greatest cause in which we live for, but He has not shown me my destiny with Him yet, here on earth that is, I know my ultimate destiny. I'm still sitting here confused...oh the monotony of life.

King Author

2004-07-14T14:17:00.000-04:00

I finally got around to seeing King Author, of course only for Keira Knightley my most favorite actress! The movie was alright, there was some cool parts. The Samarian Knights were pretty kool dudes but my favorite one of them died at the end and I never found out his name... oh well. Keira kicked some major ass at the end of the movie. I gotta find a girl like that... hmm maybe I'll start taking fencing or Kung Fu when I get home and meet someone. lol.

Isn't she a hottie!

Dude! (Writing of my Boredom part 3)

2004-07-13T16:12:00.000-04:00

As he stepped out of the narrow dark alley into the dim light of the old overhead street lamps he discreetly scanned both sides of the street without turning his head. Seeing only two ancient looking homeless men, garbed in... he didn't even want to think about it, he began walking up the garbage litterd sidewalk. He started thinking that something might have happend to his transport when he saw the halogen lights of a black BMW round the corner a block in front of him,"finally" he thought. As the BMW came nearer to him, "why his brights were still on" he also wonderd. When the car stopped besides him he reached for the handle, his eyes partly blinded from the headlights, the door opened. Everything began happening in slow motion, he saw the trigger being suppressed by a gloved finger, the slide of the gun flowing back and forth in one graceful movement followed by a loud pop and a flash. He felt a cold shooting pain going through his jaw, then his neck, the earth was speeding towards him, as his face impacted the concrete he saw the spent cartridges bouncing off the sidewalk next to him, he tried to touch his face with his hand, wondering why he felt no pain, his hand took an eternity to reach his face, it encounter warm blood. Why don't I feel any pain he thought as he began fading from counsiousness. the last thing he saw was the smoke of tires and the sound of screaching tires. A few years he tried to chuckle, but it came from his disfigured mouth as an uninterpretable gurlgling sound.

ok... well the spy dude didn't last htat long. Next story

My Spy Dude(Writings of My Boredom part 2)

2004-07-13T15:56:00.000-04:00

The masked killer stepped out of the shadow of the door into the eerie light, cast by a yellow bulb hanging from the cracked ceiling of the hallway, placing his shadow over the lifeless corps lying in a pool of blood on the floor. As he crossed the small featureless room to the open window that he had entered through he suddenly began feeling remorseful for the man who had woken up a millisecond before he died. By the time he was silently stepping off the old New York fire escape outside the room of his latest execution, only two minutes had pasted from his time of insertion. I’ll probably end up the same way in a few years, he chuckled to himself as he casually walked into a dark alley near the fire escape.

lol...the things I think of when I'm bored

Linear thoughts on non-linear plane

2004-07-13T13:25:00.000-04:00

I keep pondering on wither we limit our human evolution to too little of paths for the future because of our adherence to no make the same mistakes over. Have people like Winston Churchill, who was adamant if we do not know history we will make the same mistakes over and over, brain washed us. But what if we stop applying the linear element of time to our actions and only apply formulas(see history as a string of formulas instead of a linear plane though time, if you have to identical formulas and change one digit on one of the formulas the entire formula has changed, so if in our actions something looks similar to the past it has a strong possibility of not having the same result. Where would we be right now if we weren’t controlled by our fears of the past (isn’t that like an animal), how much farther advanced would our civilization and society be?

Writing of my Bordom

2004-07-13T00:08:00.000-04:00

He awoke with fear! Sweat dripping off his fore head as he climbed out of bed. His adrenaline pulsing through his body. He couldn't think, what had awoken him, his instincts screamed danger. BOOM a gunshot pierced the night air like thunder in the mist of the clear. He saw him self falling to the ground in slow motion, he tasted warm blood in his mouth but yet he felt no pain, it was like a dream, but yet it was so real. The room began to swirl around him as everything went black.