Wasaga Beach Trip!

Dan, Sarah W., Sarah D., Jen, and I went to Wasaga beach this weekend for some fun in the sun. Everything was great, the ride there was peaceful and the scenery was ok (well a little to many farms for my taste), we got free parking, and then I saw the water, it was a sickly puke brown color. Up until getting here everyone was telling me how wonderful Wasaga beach is so I thought to myself “these poor deprived Canadians don’t even know what a beautiful ocean beach with crystal clear water looks like, they have not even begun live life! The worst part was that their were multitudes of people on this wretched strip of sand, which they called a beach (beaches have blue water, people!). We found our little niche on the beach in no time at all, but then everyone wanted to go swimming so we went on a very long search for changing rooms, in which I had an funny time changing because their was a women in the next stall in the men’s wash room. Once we were all finished changing we found a new spot on the beach that had less people so we decided to claim it. Then Sarah W decided she could beat me racing into the water, I don’t know what she was thinking, Hello! I used to be a life guard. After I severely beat Sarah W out into the water, I began feel the symptoms of severe hypothermia and I began passing out from the frigidly cold ugly brown Canadian lake water, well not really I got really cold so I went back to shore. When I got back to shore and began thawing out I saw some poor underprivileged Canadian dude trying to para-surf in the frigid ugly brown Canadian lake water with no surf and barely any wind. Sarah W and I then went searching for an inter tube to buy, but in the end for some reason even though we saw lots for cheap we never bought one. When we got back to our little niche on the beach we found a game of cricket going on right in front of us and some crazy Indian men screaming ali ali ali and running around hitting a tennis ball, oh yeah they also indirectly threatened Dan with the tennis ball. In the middle of our tanning session we remembered our free parking ticket was about to expire, so we made our way back to the car to go to yet another of these fresh water Canadian beaches. At the next beach we went to the girl decided that they could match Dan and I at some weird form of soccer with out goals, after a some time of playing the girls noticed that they hadn’t gotten the ball once and how superior Dan and I were to them so they began groveling on the floor begging us to impart to them the ways of playing the weird form of soccer, well not exactly like that but close. After that everyone, for reasons I have still to figure out, wanted to go back into the frigidly cold ugly brown Canadian lake water, which they did and a giant mud fight ensued with Dan again showing his superiority over the girls. When they finally made it back to shore the girls were in bad shape and Sarah W was complaining about some form a Brown Vision (a condition of the eyes when to much mud enters, you begin seeing everything with a brown tin) she said it was the mud but I think the water also had something to do with it. When the girls were done recovering they went back to the car to change leaving me and Dan in Sevier throws of boredom. Then it was Dan and I’s turn to change but just as we were going to change all of these moms started walking buy, changing in front of girls that’s nothing but MOMs! After all of the changing and nakedness someone had the bright idea of going to Taco Bell and manipulated all of us into thinking that we were hungry.

As we entered the Taco Bell, which had some of the worst landscaping I’ve ever seen, we could feel the sticky spilled coke residue sticking to the bottoms of our sandals as we walked to the end of a very long line up. The people in the line were mostly young wannabie beach bums and for the most part quietly waiting for their terribly unhealthy fast food which we soon found was not very fast. Myself and everyone else except for Dan was broke so Sarah was forced to pay for us all. As Sarah and I approached the clerk behind the desk he asked us in a quite half slurred half mumbled “what would you like?” We wanted a personal pan pizza and cinnamon sticks, neither of which they had. We somehow squeezed our way into getting a $6 medium pizza, even though (much to their surprise) Sarah D. and Jen had to pay $18 for the same thing (work that one out). Then the waiting began and in the end all the girls legs became so weak after waiting for the hours it took to get the food they had to sit down, so Dan and I braved the waiting and brought the food to them. But when Sarah opened her pizza box and found a degradation, there were no pineapples on her pizza! Then Sarah came up with a diabolical plot to manipulate the pizza guys to give her the money back. Dan had similar problems when he opened up his tacos they were all half full! In the end Sarah got her money back and Dan ended up with nothing. Girls kick ass (Sarah put that in) While this was all going on I asked Sarah for the keys so I could go get some stuff our of the car. A minute later I came back in and casually mentioned that we had a slight dilemma because the keys were now in the trunk and the trunk was closed and the door all locked. Ya see I had tried to unlock all the door by pressing the unlock button but I had actually pressed the lock button then I opened the trunk and stuff started falling so when I went to grab the stuff I also grabbed hold of the trunk to balance myself and it closed. Sarah W. then ran to the payphone and called 911 then hung up on them and called a tow truck which we were informed would be their in ten minutes. (she'd like me to insert here that she only called 911 because we didn't have any other numbers and the local police page from the phone book was half torn out, not because she is a hopeless female.) Then we realized that we would have to pay the dude to open the trunk, so Sarah and I went to go get money out of an ATM, which took forever and a day because she forgot her pin twice then we found out there was no more money in the ATMs and had to find another one. While we were away a female cop showed up who thought she would show how much of a badass she was by yelling at Dan, Jen, and Sarah about how she would take them down to the station and give them all spankings for calling 911 when there wasn't a real emergency. When she left the tow truck dude showed up and got the lock opened in like 2 seconds after Dan had been trying forever to get the door open with a coat hanger. Forty dollars later, everyone had a heart attack when they couldn’t find the keys in the trunk but eventually I found them at the bottom of my bag. Then we got lost on the way back, ended up in Orangeville somehow and shared all of our dreams for the future with each other. I think we bonded.


This is the beach I go to the most at home(This is a beach)!
Wasaga in no beach!